Within

There's a need to let go,
A need to forgive,
A need to close my eyes,
To endless fruitless trials

There's a face that can smile,
A face that can glow,
What I see no one else can see,
No one else commiserates with me.

The mind keeps wandering,
At war with the past,

Body and soul still,
Forgetting the present.

To hold on or to let go,
To run or to hide,
To sink deep down,
Forever within me.

So what if I am reading a book meant for children?

I read all kinds of books; more fiction than non-fiction and most importantly irrespective of the age group it is intended for. There are books classified as children's literature which is a genre I like to read once in a while. The only thing I do not like while reading a children's book is the funny look I get from people that probably state - "Aren't you old to read this book?" or similar expressions of subtle mockery which may be trying to convey that I haven't reached anywhere in the so-called intellectual or super literary book-reading club that people of my age tend to flaunt.

My reaction to this is yet another expression(s) - Sigh! Hmmph!

I recently did a search on the Internet about adults reading children's literature and oh my ...the bashing lashed out in support and against was overwhelming. A wee bit relieved that there are a lot of people like me who like to read or re-read (for those who are relatively well-read right from childhood) books classified as children's literature and young adult literature.

I don't re-read books (at least...not yet!) because there are sooooo many books on my to-read list. Hats off to those who really manage to re-read their favourite ones! I believe I haven't been able to enjoy so many books in my teens simply because I was only exposed to a very small set of authors like Ruskin Bond, Enid Blyton, Carolyn Keene, John Grisham etc. There are so many classics (many meant for children) that I haven't read, so once in a while, I like to pick up these and read. And I am really enjoying it. The latest one I read is Anne of Green Gables and it was a delightful read. 

Reading classics can sometimes prove to be a reminder of certain human emotions that seem to be rare in today's selfish world. Reading for me is re-living a childhood memory of enjoying a book while munching on a packet of chips and when the book happens to be a children's book, the experience becomes dreamy and complete.

C.S. Lewis truly made my day when I came across one of his quotes -

“A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest.”

Reminiscing on Women’s Day

UPDATE - April 3, 2014 - Ever since the Nirbhaya gang rape incident on 16 December 2012, the views that I had stated in this post (dated March 8, 2012) have been shaken. That incident left me stunned and terrified. No amount of roses on Women's Day can pacify the Indian woman as long as horrific incidents like these continue to happen in the country. Every Woman's Day in India as of now needs to be celebrated as a day to be thankful for the fact that we are still alive and not yet attacked.

Today is International Women’s day, a day which seems to me that only women seem to be wishing each other and some men for the heck of it. I guess many men must be wondering what’s with all the fuss for this particular day. I too tend to think along these lines. With a slight feminist overtone, I also tend to think that can’t every day be a woman’s day?

Celebrating women’s day explicitly probably can bring to light social causes like women's empowerment for those sections of society who still thinks that the female sex is incompetent and incapable. The day should also ideally create awareness of how women can reduce the notion of being considered as vulnerable. I guess even success stories of women also help to create awareness that women are climbing the ladder of success just like their men counterparts. But probably one shouldn’t just wait for this day alone to highlight all of these achievements.

I believe that the notion that women are comparatively weaker is all just in the mind. Notions of that nature just result in women creating some unreal fear within themselves and men think that women are incapable. Common sense should tell you that it is not physical strength that is being referred to here. This makes me go back a few years in time, during my college days. There were days when we had to head back home after college a little late in the evening. Anytime after 6 pm was considered relatively late back then in Kochi. I could see the concern in the eyes of those who enquired as to which bus stop I would get off from the public bus. The bus stop I had to get off was Boat Jetty which was considered to be a shady place later in the evening. But I guess that was ages ago but still people considered that area to be that way. For me, it has always been a fairly crowded place teeming with people all around. I am also very aware of who is around me and I think that also helps to ward off unwanted advances.

I recollect the concern many female college mates had if they had to travel after 6 pm back home. I used to wonder shouldn’t fear just set in if you can see something that is going to happen? Why should you just anticipate and mentally invite fear for no reason? I used to often wonder back then about all the activities women would be putting off for the next day just because they all had a Cinderella time of 6 pm to get back home!!

I believe if you always imagine and anticipate all the nasty things that could happen to you then most likely all of it would happen at some point in time. It’s like you are a magnet attracting the negative energy around you. I admit the general atmosphere in a public bus after 6 pm is a bit shady but I never used to panic and always had a watchful eye for my safety. During my four years of college, I have not had any bad experiences with returning home late (the latest back then would have been 7:30 pm!!!). I believe if something had to happen, it could have happened at any time of the day. (Yes, there have been random incidents and all of them were before 6 pm!!)

It’s inspiring and great to come across women who are successful and who don’t allow trivial matters of imaginative fear to come in the way of aiming sky high. Let every day be a women’s day!

Quote by my friend Samuel Valentjin Vooren -  let every day be a day for everyone (female as well as male) who acts with a pure heart, respect and the intention to do good... A sort of nice people day :)

George Clooney Vs Mohanlal

Yesterday Manu and I headed off to PVR Cinemas expecting to get tickets for Mohanlal's movie Casanovva. It was not the expectation of seeing a good film that made us look forward to getting the tickets but it was to have a good laugh at the club song 'Hey Manohara Theerame' in the movie and many other gimmicks. Both of us are not anti-Mohanlal but in fact, we are hard-core Mohanlal fans of the 80s and the 90s. So when we compare his recent movies, we tend to reminisce the amazing characters he portrayed back in the 80s and the 90s and wish for the same only to be disappointed with the movies he has been associated with lately. Why does Malayalam cinema have to ape Kollywood and Bollywood? Of course, at the moment, I am being quite unfair by assuming that Casanovva would be a disappointment without seeing the movie or reading the previews and reviews. However, this post is not a movie review on Casanovva so let me get back to the point and not digress further.

We were misled by the 'Now Showing' poster of the movie Casanovva and realised later that the movie was yet to release. (We are movie buffs but not to the extent of keeping track of the dates of movie releases!!). Determined to watch some movie, we decided to watch an English movie called The Descendants. The fact that it got 5 Golden Globe nominations and Oscar nominations was an added plus to look forward to the movie. As the title of this post suggests, this is neither a movie review on The Descendants.

After the movie got over, we stepped out and as usual, I asked Manu for his feedback about the movie. He agreed with me that the movie was interesting and engaging. But he did not feel that George Clooney's acting deserved a nomination for Best Actor. He asked me, "Don't you think Mohanlal had plenty of movies where his acting skills have truly surpassed George Clooney's back in the 80s and the 90s?" Of course, this thought is only regarding George Clooney's performance in the movie The Descendants. Manu felt that Will Smith would have done justice to the role. I too agree on this.

Probably if Malayalam movies like Deshadanakkili Karayarilla, T. P. Balagopalan M.A., Gandhinagar Second Street, Namukku Parkkan Munthirithoppukal, Nadodikkattu, Akkare Akkare Akkare, Yodha, Manichithrathazhu, Pakshe, etc were promoted globally, these movies would get a wider audience and who knows, these movies would have got a nomination at least. Then comes the question - Why do Malayalam movies have to run behind the Golden Globes and the Oscars? The only reason that comes to my mind is that in doing so, it would receive much deserved critical acclaim on a global scale just like many other foreign language movies. Malayalam cinema is a special genre in itself. Nothing should change that.

Drift of the 'Friend' ship

It is with a heavy heart that I realise that I have reached a stage in life where almost everyone I know except for my immediate family members are so busy with their lives and problems that I do not get to hear from them. 

I often recollect the wise words of my close friend Staizy regarding the importance of family. 'Whatever you do, however far you are, only your family would be eager to know what is happening in your life and stand by you in times of trouble'. Every time I hear a 'no answer' tone when I ring up some of my friends or do not receive replies to mails for ages, that's when these words start echoing in my head.

Of course, I do not entirely blame my friends. There is a lot of blame I need to take up as well as there have been times when I choose to remain aloof due to various reasons. But the fact is this, there are some who are genuinely busy in their lives and have other priorities and at the same time there are some who just take people for granted and do not take any effort to keep in touch. The 'Friend' ship has drifted off to other shores in the latter case. I have come out of my 'aloof' shell many a time only to realise that there are some people who choose never to respond back even if I take the first step in refreshing the friendship that we had once upon a time.

A few months back, I caught up with one of my close friends. We have been in touch often so we weren't catching up after ages. We chatted about the good old school and college days, our crazy work places, about long forgotten faces, etc. It was during this conversation my friend got emotional and defensive about keeping in touch with some of our common friends. Her perspective was not just the truth, it was the kind of truth that hurts. And I realised that I have been trying to not accept the truth.

So what is the truth? My friend told me - "Don't you think that these friends of ours who always have other things to do can't keep in touch because they don't want to and not because they can't?" On hearing this I kept defending all those who did fall into this category. The more I debated with her, the more convinced I got that there is some truth to what she is saying as there were a few who didn't even seem to take an effort to keep in touch. As far as some of our common friends were concerned, they seem to have other priorities or rather always have other priorities when it comes to keeping in touch. In many occasions, this trend is very noticeable and you wonder how come it was right the opposite during the 'good old days'? My friend was emotional at the mention of a very close friend who chose no longer to keep in touch. When things like these happen, one tends to think of what is true friendship? I just told her this - "Well, true friends would make an effort to keep in touch even if its after ages and when they do, let us not snub them off but at the same time not expect too much. Let's hold on to those who are almost always there to say Hi and Hello."

Deprived Indian souls

I came across the article in Times of India 'Indians 5th most vacation deprived' at a time when I had a squabble with my manager regarding me taking 3 days off for holidaying. I took it combining a weekend and later realized that I had never taken 5 days off at a stretch except for some medical emergency. He highlighted the losses the company would incur because of my absence.  The truth is I do not gain anything by not going ahead with my holiday plans.

The article was comforting in a way because it gave some statistics as to how truly deprived the Indian employees are. Of course this does not mean all Indian companies are like this but a vast majority is very much of what the article had reported.

I agree to the point highlighted in the article that the Indian bosses consider a ‘vacation’ as a luxury. As a result, they tend to associate an employee holidaying as ‘not hardworking’. Recently, I was chatting with a friend of mine who was looking forward to her holiday that she had planned out well in advance. She works outside India and the work culture is such that a vacation is considered as a necessity for an individual.

In the West, everyone talks about their holiday plans and is given so much of importance and here we have bosses who would try to convince to reduce the duration of our holiday if we plan to take more than 2 days.

In this day and age where all companies are aiming for high productivity, somehow the Indian managers fail to realise that proper rest for the brain is a contributing factor to high productivity. Results achieved by a stress free mind would be like finding gold in a gold mine. A vacation would prompt all employees to work their asses off when at work and look forward to a relaxing vacation. And they would be back in office with a rejuvenated body and soul.

Another aspect that is common in the Indian work culture (specific reference to the IT world) is that working late in the evening or staying up the entire night is considered to be some kind of an accomplishment. Of course, I am not referring to people who work in night shifts. I am talking about people who are supposed to work from 9 am to 6 pm but still end up in office beyond 9 pm.

It is strange but true that many a time, you get praised or noticed for the work that is completed by staying late than the work that gets completed within the official working hours (9 am to 6 pm). Shouldn't it be the other way round because wouldn't that indicate the employee is efficient in his work? Many a time, I have noticed that if you submit your work (say by email) by 5:30 am which is an indicator that you are done with your day and would leave soon, your lead/manager will almost definitely be at your desk the next minute asking random questions (visualize shooting aimlessly into thin air) and some work would be given so that you can't leave by 6 pm. Or sometimes you would be assigned some work at 5:30 pm that needs to be completed urgently almost on a daily basis. Don’t you think there is something amiss here? Isn’t management supposed be all about proper planning and fore vision?

Some people however play a smart game. They would send the updates on their work just 5 to 10 mins before leaving (read as fleeing) for the day. Situation is such that 'fleeing' seems to be the solution for now to deal with the Indian bosses.

For the overworked Indian IT professional, a vacation is a must have. I felt so rejuvenated after a week’s vacation and my mind was so fresh and energetic. I am looking forward to my next holiday. 

Manic Mondays

The song Manic Mondays by The Bangles is very apt to listen to on a Monday morning on the way to work which I did today. A song that will help us to sing out our sorrows with pleasure and makes me feel good for some reason.

For me, monday blues usually start by Sunday night itself and extra energy is required to force myself out of bed on a dreaded Monday !!

I like the lyrics of this song - easy, naughty and fun to sing along.

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can't be late
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made


It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday


Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn't make it on time
'Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there


All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
To get down
Doesn't it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
Employment's down
He tells me in his bedroom voice
C'mon honey, let's go make some noise
Time it goes so fast
When you're having fun

Avial fever

It was another mad day at work with mad people. Mentally drained out, I was on my way back from office and I was listening to the radio. As usual I was checking out my favourite radio stations when I came across the Rock show at 8pm on Radio Indigo 91.9 . Some of my favourite songs were being played back to back. After listening to these and feeling light headed, I heard the RJ mentioning what’s up next on his playlist. I was taken aback when I heard that a song from the band Avial would be played next. Wait a minute; this show usually plays English rock songs, right? Felt awesome listening to 'Nada Nada' song that was played on radio.

For those who do not know, Avial is a rock band from Trivandrum (Kerala) which has become a household name in the Indian rock music scene for their brand of music. Their songs are essentially based on folk songs and alternative rock and the way they bring in the rock elements to their music is simply brilliant. Their songs are in Malayalam. It is this band that changed my view that Malayalam songs should just stick to melody genre just like the 80s and early 90s. I  had often felt that the nature of the language was such that it cannot accomodate elements of pop and the Tamil music influence. Tamil music industry is so versatile and they do a good job of adapting different music genres but that is not the case with Malayalam music industry. An interesting trend is emerging - rock bands like MotherJane and Avial are part of the OSTs of new Malayalam movies and these songs are well received.

Another surprising observation was my mom's liking towards songs of Avial. Mummy often referred to rock music as 'Chevy Vedana paattu' (songs that pain the ears!) but when I heard her crooning to one of their songs 'Karukara' one day, I was surprised and asked her - 'Mummy, ithu chevy vendane alle?' (Mummy, isn't this 'ear pain music'?). She told me that she likes folk songs and could grasp the lyrics unlike the usual rock songs which just seemed to her as a bunch of people screaming (well, thats her way of describing it!!). Of lately she has been crooning to Kolaveri Di but more on that later in another post! :-D

 The latest Avial song 'Ayyo' is finally out and has got me excited at the prospect of all Mallus singing loud and clear- 'AYYO' !!  :-)

Destiny's assignments

Every person is destined to do something in life. In other words, each one is destined to complete some assignments in life. Many a time, these assignments more often bring about a change in someone else's life for sure. Probably there are many out there on reading this would react like -

"Has she has gone mad?"
"Which book has she been reading lately?"
"yeah..whatever...".

As a child, I had heard of this idea of destined assignments from random people and would have just nodded my head in agreement. Years pass by and the sceptical thought process takes over and one starts to question facts, traditions, etc. The concept of destiny is something I had often heard from hearsay. After many years, I look back and realise that there is some truth to this. And the beauty of it is, we don't realise when we take up these assignments and when these are completed.

Recently I came across a quote by John Maxwell- “Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” I personally believe that destiny defines the incidents and moments of one's life but the path that life takes totally depends on how we react to these incidents and moments.

I have often sat back and pondered as to why some people come into our lives -

Some people come into our lives and exit as soon as they come in..Some people come into our lives for a considerable time and then vanish before you realise the same...Some people are just always there, whether you like it or not...

In all these cases, believe it or not, each one of them was destined to change our lives in the smallest of ways. The role they play in our lives need not be always be good; the memories of them need not be sweet, it can be bitter or maybe a memory that will always leave you with a tingle of sadness. But whatever role they play, they change our lives and many at times, its for the best.

Thoughts about a good experience always bring up a smile on my face; if it is funny then sometimes I laugh out loud thinking about it. This is when people declare I have gone mad. ;-) Whatever the experience, good or bad, there is a lot to learn from these and move on with life. And I believe only this attitude will get us all through the rest of our life. Life is strange and complicated especially after school and college; every year after that has its own story to tell. So many years lie ahead for me to figure out the rest of the assignments that people end up completing and in the process bring about a change in my life as well as in the lives of people around me.

‘Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish I could…’

This was written way back in 2000, my mind boggles at the fact that it has been more than 10 years. If I remember correctly, I had written this when I was in the 11th standard. A couple of years later, I had given this poem for the college magazine. I didn't really expect it to actually make it to the college magazine and yea, it did but this poem was listed under the section called 'Black Comedy' !! I got no proper explanation for this and very much a cruel joke!


‘Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I wish I could…’

Every day as I walk past the Church,
And step into the lonesome graveyard,
I see your face in the polished gravestone,
A pang of sadness engulfs me.

I place the red roses,
And take away the old ones.
Then I sit next to you,
And talk to you,
Of yesterday’s ventures,
And of ones to come.

Nostalgia is just not the word,
To describe my feelings,
When I sit with you.
To think that the times we had are,
The only memories I have, to cherish all my life.

An hour with you, sadly, is all that I can spare.
But those wild violets,
Blooming near by,
Will keep you company, day and night.

With a heavy heart, I take leave of you,
Then turn back and whisper to you,
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I wish I could,
Forever, be with you.”