When hatred turns into something sweet...

It takes only a matter of seconds to hate someone if he/she does something really horrible that you wouldn't be able to forget during this lifetime. But to finally like someone who you used to dislike/hate at some point in time in the past is something that happens rarely and when it happens, you begin to believe in miracles!!

For me, I have come across three such people so far who I used to hate at some point in the past but later on developed a liking for the person gradually, for some it took months for this transformation to take place and for some, it took years.

For obvious reasons, I would like to refer to these three sweet people as Nutty, Sanity and Abacus. Crazy as these names may sound but I do not want to reveal the real names for now.

When I met Nutty...

The first time I spoke to Nutty, she appeared quite arrogant to me. I developed an almost instant dislike for her. Her friend Merry was a friendly one and hence we bonded quite well. However, I had to tolerate Nutty for quite a while because she used to tag along and I could not think of giving her the 'get lost' treatment as Nutty and Merry have known each other for many years. Gradually, Nutty began to change. I do not know the exact cause for this, whether it had to do with people around her or was the influence of the rather new country and environment she just got into. Nutty and Merry landed in one of the 'Gelf' countries. So probably her character that caused dislike for me was just the typical NRI arrogance which just needed time to melt down. I never really could foresee at what level we could bond but later discovered that our love for a rare kind of sarcasm as well as academics had ultimately led us to becoming good friends. She is now happily married and has a cute kid.

When I met Sanity...

The first time I spoke to Sanity was over the phone in the office. As it was an official call, I meant pure business and did not intend to indulge in casual conversation. However, he succeeded in diverting the conversation from business to personal and this put me on 'red alert'. My first impression of him was not so good because unfortunately, I had the tendency to look upon men with a stern eye especially those from the town he hailed from. He appeared to me as one of those who unintentionally flirted to get more personal information. Well, I wasn't giving him any info right away. The problem with looking at a guy with a stern eye is that one sometimes tends to become blind as to whether the guy is really flirting or just being friendly. Some guys and even gals just don't know the difference. I am not sure which category Sanity fits in.

Sanity belonged to a rival team at my workplace and little did I know back then that I would have to deal with him head-on, on many occasions. He knew I was a junior, experience-wise, and I felt he had this 'ragging' tendency in him. Hence I appeared to him as cold and unapproachable and later on, matters between us turned into a mild or subtle cold war situation.

Many a time, Sanity would help me out when I needed information on certain matters after a couple of earnest requests and his behaviour and mannerisms would then make me think that this guy is not so bad after all. Unfortunately, that impression never used to last long as something else would happen which would make me revert back to the not-so-good impression I have of him. One evening, as I was leaving the office, someone called out to me to wait. I turned around and saw it was Sanity. By then we had developed this strange friendship where we could blurt out anything to each other at any point in time. I responded back saying, “I am not waiting.”, with a cheeky smile. He soon caught up with me and we began to talk about almost everything under the sun other than work. What impressed me was that he did not mix work and personal life, well at least, it seemed that way. The previous day both of our teams had to exchange emails that had hints of criticism which yet again created the Cold War situation. But there was no hint of dislike in the way he talked to me when we walked back home. Slowly, I began to realise that Sanity never had anything against me. He was always just doing his job and he being in the rival team had to take a stance that often appeared to be against me. In fact, when I look back at some of the office issues that happened between us, I realise that indirectly he sort of prevented me from getting into bigger trouble but I was blind not to see that. Unofficially, he had helped me many times when I needed help. Sadly, due to both of our hectic schedules, we hardly got a chance to know each other well. The good thing is, that we do chat once in a blue moon thanks to Facebook.

When I met Abacus...

I have known Abacus for close to 3 years now. Our friendship had gone through a like-dislike-like mode. From the moment I developed a dislike for him, I never thought I would ever be friends with him again. However, I had to maintain neutral relations with him as I knew I may have to interact with him in future for official reasons. In these 3 years, there were 7-8 months where we didn't interact with each other as work took us both to different destinations. But he did keep in touch through email occasionally which took me by surprise initially. All the emails were very casual and short. Nothing too much was talked about and nothing personal was revealed. But whenever his email used to pop into my inbox, it made me happy that he still remembers me for whatever reason.

I did not expect him to change when I met him 8 months later. I still maintained a safe distance so that things did not turn sour between us. However, I realised he had changed or rather he has become more mature in his thoughts and words. He has become a very pleasing person, pretty much the Abacus I knew of initially, maybe even better. But it still took time for me to accept this change in him. I think since we both got involved in very hectic work schedules and had experienced enough of office politics, we had become more tolerant of each other. Now he is one of my close friends at my workplace for the most obvious reasons. Irrespective of whatever may have happened between us in these years, I realised much later that he has been one of the very few who has been a witness to the ups and downs I have gone through in the past 3 years both at my workplace and personal life and by now very well know how I tend to react to a situation. It is a relief to talk to him about office politics and personal problems because he already is aware of its history. I am going through one of the toughest phases of my life now and the mental support that Abacus gives me intentionally or unintentionally is something I need and is a gesture that I will always remember.

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